Do you support spanking children?

[Benji Duncan]

Opinions appreciated.

[Marvin the Misfit]

Have to vote "no" on this one. Spanking teaches children that you have to resort to violence to get your way and to lead others. Not only could this turn them into screwed up adults but also republicans.

[Benji Duncan]

Well, I would agree in the sense of not using spanking as a form of punishment. I do approve in certain situations with some kids in using spanking as a form of control. Sometimes a child is just throwing a fit and you can't put him in a time out or anything so you need to give him a little whack on the behind as a message to get ahold of himself.

So I agree with you Marvin, in essence. A punishment is a conflict resolution lesson. And whatever a parent does as a form of punishment that child will perceive as a way to handle a disagreement with someone. But spanking can be used as a form of control instead of punishment. I don't think children learn spanking as a form of getting what you want through violence unless you use it punitively.

[Marvin the Misfit]

I'm not sure we do agree. What do you mean by the word "control?" How is "control" not punishment?

[Benji Duncan]

I mean it in the lioness- lion cub sense. In nature animals don't guide their young through punishments, they simply communicate control to them. I tend to take that approach to parenting and it works well for me. If I spank my son, it's a communication to him that I urgently demand that he stops what he's doing and that I have the physical ability to stop him. Punishment is an intentional association of a negative stimuli with an undesired act. "you break your crayons, you go to your room." "you lie to me, you're grounded." A control method to parenting simply emphasizes the fact to the child that I have the ability to stop the child from breaking his crayons and he should be aware of this ability.

[Marvin the Misfit]

hmm...I think you're splitting hairs. Why should he be aware of this ability? He should be aware because not being aware brings a negative consequence, which is a punishment. I think you're looking at it a different way, but you're still punishing the child.

[Josh]

Spanking is at some point essential. Children listen to verbal threats to a point but quickly surmise the emptiness of a threat. My first method when a child is of age enough to comprehend is to remove objects they find dear or deny privileges. When this method fails you must assert your dominance as their parent. It normally takes once or twice only and usually does not require pain, the child merely is embarrassed more than not or shocked enough to believe threats. Children without discipline grow to be adults without discipline. Rarely a good sign.


If all else fails try a toothpick under the fingernail or ancient water torture. I bet Fu Manchu never got disrespected by his children.

[Lil Ol' Brenn]

I believe parents who are programmed to punish set themselves up for punishing harder, mainly because they have not learned alternatives and click immediately into the punishment mode when their child misbehaves.

With a spanking mindset most parents have fewer alternatives to spanking. Most parents have fewer preplanned, strategies to divert potential behavior, I have seen my nieces and nephews misbehave more so, which called for more spanking. They are not being taught to develop inner control.

[Benji Duncan]

Good points all around.

Alqaedakeller, who said anything about making threats without following through with them? A threat always implies a punishment, so threatening in itself is part of the punishment process. An order "clean your room" not followed by a threat, "or I'll beat you to death," wouldn't require the parent to follow through on a threat, since none was made.

But if a parent says "clean your room," and the child says "no," and the parent picks the child up, takes the child into the room and begins to force the child to pick things up (which is what I do) the child is learning that an order will be complied no matter what. The child will either clean his room voluntarily, or involuntarily.

Now I do understand this method would not work well for children older than six or seven. My son is much younger than keller or lilo's children. I suppose when he gets older I will employ more cooperative methods or reason instead of control methods. But I don't think I would be able to reason with the child if I had not established control early on.

Again, my son is only 5, so I may be wrong here.

lilo, I think you're on to something. They say most people in and out of prison faced severe mistreatment as children. I think most of them took severe consequences and realized they can take anything anyone is willing to dish at them, so what's the point trying to behave reasonably? If I learn behaviors primarily through punishment and I've decided I can take the punishment, there really isn't anything stopping me. If I am taught empathy, on the other hand, I see a reason to decide to do good things.

Look at the middle east. Those people have been taught discipline their entire lives. They haven't been taught how to empathize with others. We live in a society with very little discipline in comparison, but we exercise compassion much better.

[Marvin the Misfit]

You didn't respond to my point Benji.

Look at the middle east. Those people have been taught discipline their entire lives. They haven't been taught how to empathize with others. We live in a society with very little discipline in comparison, but we exercise compassion much better.

Couldn't agree more.

[Josh]

Compassion is for the trampled.

[Benji Duncan]

marvin said:

You didn't respond to my point Benji.

Look at the middle east. Those people have been taught discipline their entire lives. They haven't been taught how to empathize with others. We live in a society with very little discipline in comparison, but we exercise compassion much better.

Couldn't agree more.

Which point was that Marv?

[Julia]

I would say so to some degree. I mean if you hit a child hard enough to cause bruising thats wrong, but a light hit to make a point rather than pain then sure.

[Benji Duncan]

And the point would be?

If you're big and you hit people you'll get what you want?

[Julia]

No, that you are the parent and you are in charge. Its pretty much a last resort though I wouldn't suggest it as standard discipline.